Porn!

I’ve just embarked on my pestilential soup diet. Those who know me know that me dieting is a rare occurrence, like the passing of Halley’s Comet or a major plague. But I’ve been extremely indulgent this past week, feeding almost exclusively on the baddest 9th floor cholestidbits, the meat madam’s bacon and porkloin and then spending an unforgettable night with Talyer’s liempo and chicharon bulaklak, finally capping it off by drinking like a fish over the weekend.

I’m on my second day which, from experience, is the worst day in this seven-day ordeal. I am having visions of steaming hot rice and piniritong baboy marinated in toyo and calamansi like my lola used to make. I can’t concentrate on work. It’s worse than feeling horny in church.

So to ease my misery I surfed for some pornographic pictures. Here are some of the really nice ones I found.

Make mine melamine

I should be outraged. Worried at least. But the fact that I’ve been drinking Meng Niu Pure Milk for the last two years doesn’t disturb me at all. Maybe a little, but I’m more curious than worried.

I should have known there was something suspicious about Meng Niu. It tasted too good. But I did my homework. First time I bought it I immediately went online to look for the Meng Niu website. Apart from the atrocious grammar and the fact that its plant was located somewhere in Inner Mongolia there was really nothing suspicious about Meng Niu. How could there be when they had pictures of a successful Chinese yuppy family (mommy and daddy in a suit looking at a laptop with baby) and cows grazing in a field of buttercups. Except I came away from the website convinced that what I was drinking was in fact, yak’s milk, which really made no difference to me. It could come from Tibetan virgins for all I cared. It was that good.

I revisited the website because I was curious about what they had to say for themselves and I found this story that was part press release, part Chinese melodrama. Now I know my kidneys are doomed. But at least the story's kinda funny. I would like to meet this Aunt Zhang.

"We Believe What We See”——500 Beijing Citizens Witnessed the Whole Process of Safe Production at Mengniu Group

“We could not believe until we saw it by our own eyes. Seeing such strict inspection and modernized plant, we could keep complete peace of mind and feel at ease to drink milk. I Hope that Mengniu and other brands could maintain such state so as to regain the trust from national people,” Said excitedly by Aunt Zhang from Chaoyang District. On September 26, Beijing Administration for Industry and Commerce and Beijing Consumers' Association organized the visit to the workshop of Mengniu. It is estimated that on September 26 and 27, about 500 consumers from various districts and counties of Beijing will visit Mengniu's Beijing based plant.

Safe Source Milk Guarantees Dairy Market of Capital City

Early in the autumn morning, it was a little cold. When visitors walked into Mengniu's plant located at Tongzhou Distict, some people exclaimed that there was such a modernized workshop like this in the suburb of Beijing. Each truck full of raw milk lining up at milk collection square was waiting to be inspected. We saw work staffs with uniforms there and got known that they were all from Beijing Bureau of Quality and Technical Supervision for melamine examination. “Trust us! All raw milk collected have to be examined and only that without melamine and meet the standard can be used for production. Meanwhile we will also examine all finished products to ensure that every batch of products is qualified. Now all products are safe, and please feel at ease to drink”.

Aunt Zhang pushed forward to the front to inquire the staff responsible for source milk management, and Zhang Zhiming, the manager of source milk management department, introduced patiently to Aunt Zhang, “At present, there are 42 milk collection stations in Beijing. In order to guarantee the quality of source milk management, Source Milk Division has sent out over 150 people to supervise at milk stations where we have adopted the system of man-to-man supervision on milk collection truck, milk collection depots and milk collection tanks since September 19. Till now, we haven't found any tainted dairy products in Beijing market. What's more, we took back the right of management of all nationwide milk collection stations that are proved and tested qualified. We also sent several thousand of staffs stationed at the milk collection stations together with work staffs dispatched there by authorities. According to the principle that every batch of products has to be examined and each of which has to be qualified, we strengthened the control of product quality and food safety. We will never allow any unqualified raw milk to make access to the workshop and we are adopting 24-hour strict supervision on each section of raw milk collection to prevent the problem from the very beginning.

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Daddy and mommy launching baby to heaven because they made him drink Meng Niu Milk. Fly baby fly.