Neighborly hate

I can say it now. I despise our neighbor. I welcomed Easter Sunday by screaming in the general direction of their house, “Puwede bang patahimikin niyo iyang aso niyo!”, and then sic-ing the association’s security on their ass.

You know that Filipino expression “Biruin mo na ang lasing, huwag lang ang bagong gising?” Well, I was both lasing and bagong gising. And if that wasn’t enough, I had this awful menstrual cramp. So yeah, the pesky neighbor was bound to get it.

I think my dislike began when they were still renovating the house. I suffered through months of waking up to “Kadyot lang, kadyot lang! Naka-Love ka pa ba?” courtesy of their lecherous, foul-mouthed karpinteros. (Karpinteros tap a hidden rage in me. Karpinteros and security guards, actually.) Of course their karpinteros’ choice of radio station wasn’t their fault, but it added up against them nonetheless. However, they personally became less than endearing when they built their roof so close to our house that if their alulod ever breaks, their run-off would fall straight down our backyard. The fact that my mother had to write several irate letters and do some serious lobbying with the association before they finally agreed to trim their roofline says a lot about the kind of people they are. Still, I suspended judgment.

They moved in right before the New Year and celebrated by setting up and lighting their fireworks as early as 7pm. Of course, it never occurred to them that blocking one side of the road with their fireworks whilst living three meters away from the village’s only entrance would fuck up the flow of traffic. But then I thought: New Year, new home. Maybe they’re just feeling really celebratory.

Then they started climbing our water tank to pick guava off our tree. Now I hate that tree. I actually don’t care if they pluck out the thing from its roots. But what truly pisses me off is the noise that accompanies their fruit-picking. Must they really shout and laugh loudly? Can’t they steal in silence? And who the hell picks fruit off their neighbor’s tree in this day and age?!

And then there are those infernal dogs. I used to have dogs when I was a kid. But as I grew older, I began to dislike their neediness and incessant barking. Hence, my cats. But I don’t hate dogs. What I do hate are dog owners who stick their dogs in cages and allow them to bark for hours and hours. For fuck’s sake, if you’re gonna get a dog, let him run around otherwise he’s gonna end up barking his head off. And YES, annoying the neighbors in the process. If you’re really an asshole and couldn’t care less if your dog’s unhappy then let him be unhappy somewhere else like in your closet or your car. Anyplace that actually muffles the sound of his barking. Or better yet, don’t get a dog at all.

Having said all that, here’s my post-Easter message to you Annoying Inconsiderate Neighbor: AJI-NO-MOTO.