No, Nyet, Nevah!

Last night my friend of many years called to invite me to drink at her cousin’s house. I was writing and didn’t want to go out but after much hemming and hawing, and some bullying on her part, I said yes. As I was taking a shower, I realized that I really, really didn’t want to break my writing to go drinking so I called her to take a rain check. She huffed, “Ang labo mo talaga kausap,” and hung up on me.

I have a problem with saying no and it’s gotten me into more trouble than I care to remember. I’m such a wuss at rejecting people that I suspect I give off an “ask-me-I-won’t-say-no” vibe to everyone, which is why I’m a magnet for people who solicit donations in exchange for religious trinkets and “students” selling all manner of kakanin. And I always give in. Never mind that my last wallet got torn end to end from all the estampitas I stuffed and forgot to remove. And never mind that I don’t even like kakanin. Come to me all ye sellers and solicitors, I’m the sucker of your dreams.

The thing is, I equate saying no with rudeness and ungraciousness. And I can never think of polite and plausible excuses for saying no. Well, at least, not fast enough. So I doom myself to attending meetings I don’t really need or want to go to, make commitments I know I can’t or wouldn’t want to fulfill, go out when I really just want to stay home, give or spend money when I can’t afford to, and talk to people who bore the living Jesus out of me.

But saying yes all the time has turned me from a sucker to a flake. As last night’s episode shows, saying no from the get-go is better than saying yes and then flaking out at the last minute. But that was a relapse because this year I decided that I would rather be an asshole than a flake.

Now I decline with a vengeance. Do you want to go to the mall and keep me company while I spend hours in shops you don’t care to be in? No. Can you come down to Makati to take a look at a document that I could just as easily email if I wasn’t such an inconsiderate bitch? No. I have a great project for you, the fee is so small it won't even cover bus fare or a meal at a roadside carinderia but you’ll be so busy doing all the work you won’t notice how screwed you are. No. Let’s go to some-creep’s birthday party. No. Why not? Because I prefer to stay home and do something equally pointless but enjoyable like read Buy & Sell or pick my nose.

Life is short and saying no is a lot less trouble in the end. Besides, I’d rather have people annoyed at me for saying no than have me annoyed at them and myself for saying yes.